10 THINGS BESIDES WORK YOU CAN DO AT WORK TODAY....

1.. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".

2. Leave your fly's open for one hour. If anyone points it out say, "Sorry I really prefer it this way, it lets the smell out".

3. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out YAHTZEE".

4. Walk sideways to the photocopier, crab style.

5. Say to your manager, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

6. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, cause I don't want to repeat it". 

7. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off & on 10 times.

8. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak with as "Barbara"

9. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for 1 hour.

10. Hang a 2 foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your pants, and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

Make work fun today... even if the people around you aren't laughing... it will entertain you at the very least!!!!

DON'T PULL AN OFFICE SPACE.... LET THIS CAT TAKE CARE OF THAT PRINTER!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know this video is kinda lame.. but let's be honest anything that makes me sort of smile these days is worthy of posting up here... I actually laughed at how pissed this cat gets at that printer... its as if the little guy knows...

 BRITNEY IS SELLING HER HOUSE!!!

Britney Spears is continuing moving forward by making some real attempts to avoid - instead of encourage - the paparazzi. The singer has put her house on the market for $7.9 million. This is the house that must hold a lot of bad memories for Britney - it's where she's lived during her whole breakdown; where she dated Adnan and was quite possibly drugged and kept a prisoner in her home by former "manager" Sam Lutfi. It seems like much more bad than good has gone on there, and it's definitely time for Brit to move.

Any sort of comeback isn't complete without a grand move, and Britney's house is on the market now for $7.9 million. The L.A. Times reports that her gated-community residence totals 7,500 square feet, with six bedrooms, a library, an arbor, a spa, a den, and a pool. Apparently, her neighbors everywhere are rejoicing, as the LAT so aptly pointed out:

"This is the very same house that Spears was wrenched from in January by a well-executed LAPD plan to skirt the paparazzi and have the singer involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward at UCLA Medical Center. Neighbors are unlikely to forget that winter night with helicopters buzzing overhead and more than 100 paparazzi who chase Spears for a living hovering at the gates."

Surely some sort of crazy collector is going to surface and turn this into a museum of sorts... the house is being sold partially furnished and all.

[From the Inquisitr]

Perhaps selling it partially furnished is an attempt to get rid of many things that hold bad memories or weird associations. Moving somewhere with more privacy would benefit her sons as well, and prove how hard she's working to do whatever it takes to be a good mom.

There's also a rumor floating around today that Kevin is trying to win Britney back and that he's realized she's the "love of his life." While I don't believe the later, the former might be true. Supposedly K-Fed has apologized for being a bad husband and wants to start over. Normally I'd scream holy hell about it, but they've both grown and changed a lot in the last few years. Who knows, maybe they're ready for each other in a different way. But it's probably best for Britney to continue moving forwards, not backwards.

-CELEBITCHY.COM

BRIT'S MOM WANTS US TO FEEL BAD FOR HER...

Poor Lynne Spears. The mother of two cash cows (Britney and Jamie Lynn) and one disappointment (non-celebrity Bryan) has had a tough go at it lately, what with Brit going insane and JL doing the whole teen pregnancy thing. But even worse than that, she has been crucified in the tabloid world for her horrible parenting skills. This is an issue, Lynne says, because the woman who is potentially "a heartbeat away" from the presidency has been applauded for being in a very similar situation:

It's a totally different reaction. It's as if [Sarah Palin] became celebrated. ... Every woman in the world has applauded her strength and her convictions and poor little old Jamie Lynn-you saw how she was crucified. Everybody did, firsthand ... I just feel like it's been a very hypocritical situation.

Keep in mind... the situations were a teensy weensy bit different: She didn't raise her child on a Hollywood set, and she didn't pimp out her issues to OK! magazine for a million dollars. That aside, Sarah actually did get quite a bit of criticism for having a pregnant teenager - but Lynne probably only watches Entertainment Tonight for her breaking news.

-MOLLYGOOD.COM

JOHNNY DEPP IS GONNA BE REAL BUSY FROM NOW ON...

Don't expect Johnny Depp to return your phone calls anytime soon, because he's going to be tied up for a while.  The pimps at Disney have announced that Johnny will star in 3 films for them. Johnny is currently shooting Disney's "Alice in Wonderland" for Tim Burton. He plays the Mad Hatter opposite Mia Wasikowska as Alice and Matt Lucas as Tweedledee/Tweedledum. The film will combine performance-capture imagery with live-action. Tim is also shooting it in 3-D.

After Johnny finishes "Alice," he will move on to "The Lone Ranger" and "Pirates of the Caribbean 4." Obviously, he'll be playing Jack Sparrow again in the latter. In "The Lone Ranger," he'll play Tonto and not the title role.

-DLISTED.COM

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU PROBABLY THINK IT IS...

It took me a couple of eye blinks before I realized it was the fallen pepaw Ed McMahon. 85-year-old put on one of KFed's outfits to rap in two viral videos for FreeCreditReport.com. If you look closely at the picture above, you can see Ed's dignity crawling away. FCR asked Ed to star in the videos after they saw him talking about his money problems on Larry King. Ed jumped at the chance, because let's face it, he needs cash.

The Huffington Post had the sad details on the two videos:

In the first video, McMahon _ who once pitched the American Family Publishing sweepstakes _ and a bodyguard are cruising through a neighborhood looking for sweepstakes winners to ask for some money back, but McMahon doesn't actually go through with it. In the second spot, McMahon dons a new suit after undergoing a financial and emotional makeover.

"When I retired, I was famous," McMahon raps in the video. "I had money and glory/I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn't funny."

You gotta do what you gotta do to pay for your rusty trophy wife's obsessive shopping habits.

-DLISTED.COM

SOMEBODY TELL AUBREY SHE NEEDS A MIRROR

Aubrey's pooch Ginger looks like she needs to be put on suicide watch... what the heck did she do with that dog's hair?!?!!  Ginger does not want to be dragged around against her will. Especially when Aubrey looks super trannyriffic... Where is her stylist???

GREY'S ANATOMY STARTS TONIGHT!!!!

I have been waiting so patiently for this night to come!! I can't wait to watch Grey's tonight!!! However... as I am watching I don't know if I'll be able to shake the thought of Patrick Dempsy's obsession with spanking...   Check out this quote!!!

"Romance is an atmosphere, a feeling, a mood, a place, it's in the air. It is the little things - even a spanking every now and then! It is hard to define romance other than going with the cliches of a lake, a boat, a picnic basket and a sunset."   -IMNOTOBSESSED.COM

See what I'm saying!?!?! It may make me laugh a little when he talks to Grey in a serious scene tonight... an then again.. maybe it won't we'll see!!!

DAVID BLANE... UMMM WHAT CAN I SAY... I'M BORED WITH YOUR STUNT

 I am glad to hear I am not the only one that was totally underwhelmed with DB's latest stunt...

BRIT CALLS FOR THE WIG AGAIN.

The wig has returned..... Except this one doesn't look like it's covered in Pepto-Bismol Brit Brit isn't wearing it to cover up the crazy in her brains, she's wearing it for work. Brit Brit channeled Mia Wallace in "Pulp Fiction" to shoot her video for "Womanizer" in Los Angeles last night. Cheeto Wallace!  CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT!!!

BRAD AND ANGIE HAVE LEFT FRANCE!!!

The holy Brangelina family left France earlier this week and is now blessing Germany with their presence. The new Church of Brangelina is a 30,000 square-foot villa on Wannsee Lake and comes equipped with 14 bodyguards and a private chef. They are expected to stay there for 3 months while Brad Pitt films Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Bastards."

30,000 square-feet? It probably takes those kids weeks to finish a game of "Hide and Seek." They have to bring water, granola bars and a flare gun with them.

-DLISTED.COM

DANCING WITH THE STARS UPDATE...

 The dance that got Jeffrey Ross eliminated above... probably a lil' obvious... if you are confused about the eye patch... he suffered a scratched cornea after Edyta Sliwinska, accidentally poked him during a rehearsal Monday, was the first star eliminated from the seventh season of ABC's dancing competition. The pair received a score of 14 out of 30 from the judges - the lowest of the night - for their cha cha cha routine.

Before Ross was dismissed, each couple performed a new dance Tuesday. Model-actress Brooke Burke again dominated, scoring a 26 for a quickstep routine.  The night's lowest score went to "Married With Children" actor Ted McGinley.... although I personally think the lowest score should have gone to Kim Kardashian... that was NOT booty shaking....

The remaining celebrities include chef Rocco DiSpirito; NFL star Warren Sapp; TV personalities Burke and Kim Kardashian; singers Lance Bass and Toni Braxton; Olympians Misty May-Treanor and Maurice Greene; and actors McGinley, Cloris Leachman, Cody Linley and Susan Lucci. Another star was to be eliminated Wednesday.

The performance I think that will get Kim eliminated...

ARE THEY BREAKING UP!?!?!

Brad Pitt is part of another split rumor today, but this time it is not Angelina Jolie but his BFf George Clooney according to OK!.

George said: "We both badly want a particular role and neither is backing down. It's sort of become an intense competition between us now and it just keeps escalating."

 Both George and Brad are keen to play the role of Henry Higgins in the upcoming remake of My Fair Lady.

George added: "For now we're both so angry we're not even in contact any more."

I am sure this is just Clooney joking around, which is definately something he would do...

-SERISOUSLYOMG.COM

NICK HOGAN'S GETTIN' OUTTA JAIL EARLY

 

 

 

Nick Hogan will be released back into the wild on October 21st, three months earlier than expected. Nick was sentenced to eight-months in jail for the car accident that put his friend John Graziano in a vegetative state.

A jail official told People that Nick's early release follows standard procedures. The jail official said: "They automatically get credits towards early release, and if they don't do anything bad while they're here, they get to use the credits."

Nick's brother Brooke said she's looking forward to her brother getting out of the clink. "I'm not sure where he'll live. I think he's going to do his own thing."

It's no surprise that Nick's getting out early. I'm already rolling my eyes and dry heaving at all the TV interviews, phony PSAs, magazine shoots, reality shows that will follow after his release.

-DLISTED.COM

CLAY AIKEN IS OUTTA THE CLOSET!!

This morning, People released a few experts from Clay's totally gay interview and the born-again Christian talks about why he decided to shock the world by unveiling the best kept secret in Hollywood.

On why he decided to come clean:
"It was the first decision I made as a father. I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not going to raise a child to do that."

On how he thinks his mom-jeans-wearing fans are going to handle the news:
"Whether it be having a child out of wedlock, or whether it be simply being a homosexual, it's going to be a lot. I've never intended to lie to anybody at all. ... But if they leave, I don't want them to leave hating me."

On telling his mommy four years ago:
"It was dark. I was sitting there, thinking to myself. I don't know why I started thinking about it ... I just started bawling. She made me pull over the car and it just came out. She started crying. She was obviously somewhat stunned. But she was very supportive and very comforting. She still struggles with things quite a bit, but she's come a long way."

On raising his son Parker Foster Aiken:
"I have no idea if he'll be gay or straight. It's not something I'll have anything to do with, or that he'll have anything to do with. It's already probably up inside the code there ... No matter what the situation you're in, if you're raised in a loving environment, that's the most important thing."

I've been wondering what the die-hard Claymates think of all of this. 98% of them are not bothered at all and will continue to worship him. The other 2% are shocked, confused and hurt, because they felt they were lied to. A couple of them are still waiting for "confirmation," because People Magazine could be telling lies. Hey, whatever gets you through the day.

Here's just a few quotes from Claymates who aren't waving rainbow flags this morning:

"This is a gut wrenching day for The ClayNation. Somebody wake me up, I hope its a dream."

 "please tell me I'm not the only one who is shocked beyond belief! I feel numb I'm so upset. This can't be real!! How can you guys say this won't change anything? This changes EVERYTHING. I don't even know what to think right now"

 

They go on and on about how shocked they are and how they all feel like he lied to them... quite frankly (yes I just said that) they were lying to themselves... the gaydar goes way off the charts when Clay is anywhere around it...

-DLISTED.COM

DANCING WITH THE STARS

 

 

 

 

  Kim Kardashian's dance... not as bad as I thought it was gonna be... also not as skanky of an outfit... you know some of you were sitting there going... umm.... wtf why is she all covered up? 

  

 

 

 

 

  Lance and Lacey... I was impressed... Glen was not... that was surprising to me...

 

 

 

 

   Warren Saap... I didn't think he did as good as everyone was saying... ooohhh you are soo amazing Saap... I mean he didn't totally suck... but, it wasn't that great....

 

 

 

 

  Cloris is hilarious!!!!  I hope she wins the whole thing... anyone who cusses at the judges on national TV and is 82 years old is a winner in my book... she cracked me up!!! 

 

 

 

 

 Susan Lucci... zzzzzzzzz that's all I have to say about that... 

 

 

 

 

  Brooke Burke... She just looks amazing!! I love her!!! 

 

 

 

 

  Olympic champ Maurice and Cheryl... I start losing interest when Cheryl Burke goes up... for some reason I just don't enjoy watching her... I mean she's good... but... well, you know...

 

 

 

 

 Olympic champ and Misty May-Treanor... ok just watch... I am getting tired of posting all these... so I am done now... I have probably missed some... but really how much dancing with the stars can they shove down our throats??? The season just started and already I am sick of this 3 nights a week... 5 thousand hour premiere... too much... just tooo much.  Ok now on to other things that have happened in Hollywood lately....

BRIT'S NEW COVER OR A FAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE MICROSOFT PAINT???

The Sun has published these two pictures of Brit Brit and claim the label is using them to promote her first single "Womanizer." I am 99.999999% sure this was fan made. If I'm wrong, you can force feed me a bowl of wet Cheetos and Kool-Aid crust.

The Sun writes:

Britney's bosses are using these shots to promote her comeback single Womaniser, though they've been more successful at promoting the wonders of computer wizardry.

 

Dressed in sexy leather dominatrix gear and holding a whip, the singer is pictured leaning over a scantily-clad hunk.

In other Brit news, Brit Brit's single was supposed to come out yesterday, but the label has pushed it back a week for more "tweaking." It will be released on September 29th.

UPDATE: According to Breathe Heavy, this is definitely fan made using old Brit Brit photos. Oh well. I might eat a bowl of wet Cheetos and Kool Aid crust anyway.

-DLISTED.COM

90210 IS HERE TO STAY FOR THE SEASON...

The CW has picked up "90210" for a full season. Yay. More episodes filled with snoozy plots, not enough Brenda Walsh and bad acting skills. I feel Naomi Clark, the resident rich beyotch has potential. But when are the writers going to finally bring out the super villian that lives inside her?

She slapped a dude once and she visited her daddy's mistress. Big deal! -DLISTED.COM

DAVID BECKHAM'S CALENDAR...

I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!! It's the same look Ferrari... Latigra... Blue Steel... this calendar has to be a Zoolander spoof... SEE ALL PICS HERE...

MEANWHILE POSH SAYS SHE'S WORKING OUT MORE...

 After years of insisting shopping was her form of cardio, Victoria Beckham has succumbed to Los Angeles' gym culture.  Or so she says...  Supposedly Posh is working out seven days a week, concentrating her efforts on the treadmill.

Posh Spice's decision to start working out means she has had to start eating more, but her exercising means fans won't ever see her extra meals appearing on her hips or belly.

The former Spice Girl was disgusted to hear recent reports her slender figure was down to slimming pills, insisting it was combination of her diet and exercise that kept her the shape she is.  She tells The Sun: ‘I run four miles, seven days a week. I feel energised and healthy - there are really nice gyms here and I just enjoy it.

Victoria, 34, has filed suit against one magazine in particular over the slimming pills story and is looking forward to her day in court.  She explained: ‘Lots of young girls do look up to me, and I just think it's ludicrous that they can completely make something like that up. You have to take these things really seriously.

‘There are young girls out there who will think it's cool to take slimming tablets. Things like that are dangerous and we were furious with it.'

She admits she is happier than ever after her fashion line received a storm of praise at New York Fashion Week earlier this month and she is optimistic about the future of her business empire.  She said: ‘I'm so content I've even been smiling a bit these days.

Shocker!!! She never smiles... good for her...

-ICYDK.COM

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS IS JEN'S NEW MAN...

Bauer Griffin is reporting that the man Jennifer Aniston is sitting with on the beach is her new boyfriend. Pleeeeaaaassssssseeeeee. You can see a third female party in some of the pictures and never once does Jen become physical with the mysterious beach walker. And give her a little credit... she did marry Brad Pitt... she's got a little better taste in men than that guy...

-IMNOTOBSESSED.COM

BLAAAAAAAAAKKEEE WANTS TO STAY IN JAIL...

The Crackie of Camden's husband, Blaaaaake Fielder-Civil, doesn't seem very interested in ever leaving prison. He already turned down an offer to get out early if he lived with his mother instead of Wino. Blaaaake has rejected a second proposal. Prison officials told him that they would cut his sentence by two months if he agreed to go to rehab. Blaaake said no.

One of Wino's friends blabbed to The Sun: "This will be another blow for her. Blake could have gone to rehab and sorted himself out but would rather see out his sentence in prison."

The friend went on to say: "All he wants is a free reign when he leaves, which means living with Amy back in Camden. But if he is turning down these chances to leave jail and get clean, it doesn't bode well for him and Amy when he finally does get out."

Let's crawl inside the mind of a crackhead for a quick minute. First of all, it smells like burnt lightbulbs. Second of all, why would you want to leave prison? There's plenty of CRACK there! What more could a crackhead want?

-DLISTED.COM

CONGRATULATIONS

Jenna Jameson has confirmed that she's pregnant with twins. Yawn. Who isn't knocked up with two babies nowadays? She needed to tell us she was holding 8 babies in there for me to be slightly amused.  Jenna announced the lovely news on her MySpace. Let me sum it up for you:

Yes everyone, I can officially confirm that Tito and I are expecting twins! I had my second ultrasound today and was greeted by two big healthy babies with pounding hearts. I can't even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an exremely long time, and I truly feel like finally... the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive.

 

I have officially gained 7 pounds so far, and am planning on a lot more. I crave fruit by the gallon... ornages and pineapple are at the top of my list. Cereal at 3 am suits me every night!

-DLISTED.COM

 KENDRA IS ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE!?!?!

In response to Perez Hilton thinking he reported some kind of breaking news, celeb blog What Would Tyler Durden Do has opened a big can of worms and whoopass on him regarding Kendra Wilkinson and her relationship with Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett, and her lack of one with Hugh Hefner.

While no one was surprised to hear that Kendra isn't a "real" girlfriend of Hef, it was greeted with general surprise that she was dating the 6′4″, 220 lb. football pro and that the two were dropping hints about it on their MySpace pages.  Since the cat was out of the bag, or the bunny out of the hat, as the case may be, WWTDD decided it was time to break their self-imposed silence on the sporty couple.  They're not only dating, they're engaged!

Perez is saying today that Kendra Wilkinson MIGHT be dating Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett, which just proves all his inside sources are nonsense because Kendra is engaged to Hank, and has been for some time.  Lots of people know this but everyone likes Kendra so no one was in a hurry to blow her up, me included.  But if their relationship is out there, you might as well know the whole story.  And, um, yeah, so I guess that was the whole story.  Amazing, wasn't it?

What Would Tyler Durden Do?  Honestly, I can't see Kendra in an adult relationship with anyone, but I can stretch it to see her attempting one with Hank Baskett alot easier than I can with Hefner.  There are times she seems genuinely grossed out when she has to show physical affection for him on Girls Next Door.  He's never seemed overly enamoured with her, either.

WWTDD went on to debunk the rest of Perez's "exclusive" that Holly, Hef's #1, is cheating on the 82-year old Playboy founder with Criss Angel.  Holly is the only one who really seems to be showing Hef some bunny lovin', and he's rewarded her for it by finally putting her in his will, according to WWTDD.

-CELEBITCHY.COM

EMMY STUFF.... SNOOOOOOOOZZZZEEEEE

 

 

 

 This is for those of you out there smart enough to skip the sleeping pill known as the Emmys. Unfortunately, you can't escape the most bizarre part of the evening. I'm talking about Josh Groban's insane montage of TV themes.For those of you who feel like you missed out or just can't get enough of the emmy's... Click Here... But I am warning you even if you just had ten red bulls I am convinced this will still make you go to sleep.  If you want to see something worthy of your 1:44 watch this Grey's anatomy spoof....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRAVIS BARKER AND DJ AM EXPECTED TO MAKE FULL RECOVERY...

Travis Barker and DJ AM suffered second and third degree burns from Friday's jet crash that killed four people, Dr. Fred Mullins, Medical Director at Georgia's Joseph Still Burn Center, announced at a press conference Sunday morning.

Barker has burns on his torso and lower body and Goldstein has burns on his arm and part of his head, Mullins said. (Mullins would not say the percentage of their bodies that were burned or whether they were conscious. He also did not go into detail about the type of treatment they are currently receiving.)

He said the two did not sustain any other injuries from the crash.  "I think these patients are going to make a full recovery," Mullins said.

He added, "Anybody who can survive a plane crash is very lucky."  During the conference, Mullins also read a statement from the families.

"The families wish to thank fans from all over the world for their prayers and concern. Deepest sympathy is expressed to the loved ones of those who perished in the crash. As the two recuperate and mourn this loss, privacy for them, their families and friends is requested at this time."

Fans who would like to send well wishes to Barker or DJ AM may go to the center's Web site; click on "visitors" and then "email a patient."

-USMAGAZINE.COM

Personally my thoughts are with the families who lost their loved ones and my prayers are with DJ AM and Travis as they begin what I can only imagine a painful recovery.

 

JAMIE LYNN NEEDS TO GET A PHOTO PRINTER

A federal porn investigation has been launched after a picture of Jamie Lynn Spears breast feeding was stolen. According to TMZ, Casey Aldridge took several pictures with his digital camera of Jamie Lynn with her baby. One picture showed Jamie Lynn breast feeding with her left chichi out in the open. Casey, who has chitterlings for brains, took the memory card down to their local WA-MA (aka Wal-Mart) for copies. Someone at WA-MA made extra copies and then tried to sell them.

JL is a minor, so the peeps buying and selling the pictures of her exposed breast could find themselves in federal prison for violating federal porn laws.  Federal and local authorities are trying to find the person who stole the pictures. Brit Brit's lawyers also considering going after WA-MA.

Instead of going to WA-MA to get copies of JL's chichi's, Casey should also go to the free clinic for a brain transplant. Of course these people are going to steal the pictures and try to sell them.  Anything for an extra buck.

-DLISTED.COM

EMINEM IS WORKING AGAIN!!! HOOOORAY!!!

I looooovvveeee Eminem... and how I have missed him over the last couple of years... But, to my excitment supposedly Eminem is working on new material for an album which may be released before the end of the year!!!

The controversial artist has been on a break from the music industry since he released his 2004 album Encore, but claims he is back in the studio working on a sixth album.  "I'm concentrating on my own stuff right now - just banging out tracks," he explained.

"The more I keep producing, the better it seems I get. I start knowing stuff, learning the boards like the back of my hands."

A representative from Interscope records said that no official release date had been confirmed nor a first single but admitted that the album could find its way on the shelves before the end of the year.

Speaking to BBC Radio 1 recently, fellow collaborator 50 Cent said that fans will be "seeing [Eminem] shortly".

"He's working. I spent the weekend at his house. Even though he tries to relax and stay home, it's impossible for him to stay in," he added.

-ICYDK.COM

KELLY OSBOURNE THINKS SHES AN AUTHOR...

Everyone is writing a book these days.  If you're famous, related to someone famous or have just hung out with someone famous at least once, you definitely qualify for lucrative deals to pen your memoirs.  Kelly Osbourne is the latest celebrity said to be publishing an autobiography.  But hers, I would actually read...Meet the Osbournes was so crazy that I can only imagine what sorts of crazy things she can tell us about from behind the scenes!

The 23-year-old will reportedly reveal the secrets of her life, including her two trips to rehab for addiction to painkillers and her infamous feud with singer Christina Aguilera.

-IMNOTOBSESSED.COM

LOHAN HAS HIGH HOPES FOR HER NEW PLACE

I'm really going to do my best here to go with the theory that Lohan's delusions of grandeur are her parent's fault. Lindsay has such a high opinion of herself that she plans on buying an apartment in the famous Dakota, the legendary Manhattan building where John Lennon lived (and Yoko Ono still lives to this day).

SMITTEN LINDSAY LOHAN is buying a £2.5 million love-nest for her and lesbian partner SAM RONSON.

The pair plan to live it up in a penthouse in the famous Dakota building in New York. Residents in the block-where JOHN LENNON lived-are against the move because they don't want all the hoo-ha it's likely to bring.

But LiLo is forging ahead with plans and is in talks with a top interior designer.

She wants a garish 12ft circular bed with leopard-print headboard, "Hers and Hers" monogrammed towels, separate pink and black bathrooms, and a sitting room with DJ area and a huge glitterball.

My source revealed: "Lindsay's had her eye on the Dakota building for years.

"It's an iconic building and she's not bothered about the complaints from residents. She plans to make it a hotbed for parties."

[From News of the World via Contact News]

Good luck Lindsay. Normally I'd dismiss this story as hogwash - which it may very well be. But Lindsay is so crazily narcissistic and full of her self that I think if anyone would believe she could buy an apartment in the Dakota, it'd be her.

 -CELEBITCHY.COM

GETTIN' A LIL' GREEDY ARE WE???

Sounds to me like Billy Ray has been filling Miley's head full of well... you know. Apparently, her TV show "Hannah Montana" isn't making enough scratch to support his mullet habit and his wife's other lil' chilluns. So he needs his cash cow to make more cash.

According to TMZ, sources say Miley is acting like a brat, showing up late to the set and pissing off the cast and crew. They also claim Billy Ray has told people on the set that they're only going to do twelve more episodes and then they're out. But the machine known as Disney insisted that they finish the twenty-four episode season and will be doing another six episodes. I'm sure there's also contracts involved to prevent any quitting or firing from happening.

Billy and Miley would be extremely stupid to dump her TV show. I mean, what will they do when her singing career tanks and they can't afford all those back country luxuries.....like moonshine and Pabst Blue Ribbon?

-DLISTED.COM

MISCHA IS DESIGNING HEADBANDS?!

Mischa Barton has always had the WORST fashion sense in my book... and now... she is trying to make the world join her nonsense.   Above, she's wearing a headband she designed herself.  Out of all the things there are to design, she chooses headbands?!  Couldn't Mischa design cellulite jewels?

-DLISTED.COM

GEORGE MICHAEL ARRESTED!!!

POP star George Michael tonight apologised to his fans for "screwing up again" after being cautioned for drug possession  The multi-millionaire singer was arrested after a tip-off from a suspicious toilet attendant after he was seen loitering in underground loos in London's Hampstead Heath on Friday.

When officers arrived the the former Wham star was still in the toilet and police reportedly found him in possession of cannabis and crack cocaine.  The singer, who was famously arrested for lewd conduct in Los Angeles , has talked openly about his drug use in the past.

Cops said: "I can confirm that a 45-year-old man was arrested on September 19 on suspicion of possession of drugs in the Hampstead Heath area.

"He was taken to a north London police station where he received a caution for possession of class A and class C drugs."

At his last concert at Earls Court in London last month he announced to journalists that there would be no more stadium tours.  Mr Michael's tour began in Barcelona in September 2006 and he has entertained more than 1.3 million fans across Europe and North America.

The 21-date American leg of the tour was the first time he has performed there for 17 years and included New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Chicago and Washington

 -THESUN.CO.UK

MARKY MARK IS A DADDY AGAIN

Mark Wahlberg and his fiancee Rhea Durham welcomed their third child, a boy, Tuesday in Los Angeles, Usmagazine.com exclusively reports. A name was not immediately available.  Though the longtime couple already have a 4-year-old daughter, Ella, and a 2-year-old son, Michael, Wahlberg only proposed to Durham recently.

"We continue to grow in our relationship, and we have a much better chance of succeeding and staying together now," he told Us.

"I was not prepared to be married, no matter who it was when I was 20 or 30," the 37-year-old actor added. "Committing to making it work and all the other things that go into building a solid foundation is where I'm at now."

And while Wahlberg and Durham are thrilled about the expansion of their family, daughter Ella "was extremely disappointed when she found out that we were having a boy - she wanted a little sister," the actor previously told Us.

"She already had all these plans of dressing a little sister up in clothes," he said. "But I told her, 'Honey, that means you'll be more spoiled than the boys.' She goes, 'Oh, daddy, I didn't think of that!'"

-USMAGAZINE.COM

PORTIA WILL TAKE ELLEN'S NAME!!!

Portia de Rossi came into this world as Amanda Lee Rogers. Then for some reason, she decided to change her name to Portia de Rossi. I think she totally used the Soap Opera Name Generator to come up with Portia de Rossi.

Anyway, the point is Portia is changing her name again! Star Magazine reports that she is legally changing her name to Porta DeGeneres. At least she kept the "De." That's important. If she drops the "De" in her last name, she's nothing!

A source told Star that Portia and Ellen ordered stationary with "Mrs. and Mrs. DeGeneres" printed on it. The source went on to say: "Ellen and Portia used it to write thank-you notes to the 19 friends and family who attended."

-DLISTED.COM

FOUR MONTHS OUT AND SHE ALREADY LOOKS AMAZING

I am happy for her... but at the same time doesn't it kinda make you wanna ralph at how fast these celebs can lose the baby weight!?  It's like there's some secret thing only they get... either that or they are all loaded so they just have a little plastic surgery to fix it quick.  I don't think so in Alba's case... she looks really great.

BROOKE HOGANS STRIPPER SKILLS...

She insists its for fitness... but I think little Brooke Hogan looks like she likes that pole a lil' too much... what do you think??? Text me!!! Text "Special K" and then your opinion to 68255!!

TRAVIS BARKER AND DJ AM IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER PLANE CRASH

Travis Barker and DJ AM were critically injured after a small Learjet crashed during takeoff in Columbia, South Carolina. 3 men and 1 women were killed. Officials confirmed to NBC that two crew members and two passengers were killed.

Travis was taken by ambulance to a burn center in August, CA. DJ AM was airlifted to the same burn center. They are both in critical condition.

Last night, Travis and DJ AM performed with Perry Farrell and Gavin DeGraw.

A spokesperson for the FAA said the Lear 60 was bound for Van Nuys, CA before midnight on Friday with six people on it. Air-traffic controllers reported seeing sparks. They said the plane went off the runway and crashed on a nearby road.

UPDATE: Perry Farrell's manager confirmed to MTV News that Perry was not on the plane.

UPDATE II: Gavin DeGraw's publicist confirmed to People that Gavin was not on the plane. MSNBC reports that the female pilot, Sarah Lemmon, and the male co-pilot, James Bland, died in the crash.

UPDATE III: - MSNBC confirmed that 29-year-old Chris Baker of Studio City, CA was one of the passengers who died in the crash. Chris, who is known as "Little Chris," was Travis' assistant. One male passenger still hasn't been identified.

UPDATE IV: A witness who was driving down the highway saw two men, presumably Travis and DJ AM, taking off their clothes and trying to extinguish themselves. The two men told the witness that four other people were on the plane.

UPDATE V: 25-year-old Charles Still of Riverside, CA has been identified as the fourth victim of the crash. Charles was Travis' bodyguard.

UPDATE VI: TMZ reports that DJ AM's face has been severely burned and is being treated right now. Travis is expected to survive, but was burned from the waist down. Chris Baker, Travis' assistant who died in the crash, was a newlywed and his wife recently had a baby.

UPDATE VII: The National Transportation Safety Board held a press conference and gave a few more details about the crash. They said the jet overran the runway, hit a few lights and an antenna, crashed through a fence and careened across the highway next to the airport. The jet crashed into an embankment where it caught on fire.

-DLISTED.COM

UPDATE VII:

Travis Barker's former mother-in-law, Gail Moakler, tells PEOPLE, "We're totally crushed," but that Shanna Moakler has rushed to be with her ex, while DJ AM's sister, Lara, and her husband, Benjamin Long, learned the news of the plane crash - in which Barker and DJ AM were badly burned and four others were killed - from a phone call from AM's mother on Saturday morning.

"We're in shock," Benjamin Long told PEOPLE. "Nobody expects something like this. We're waiting to hear more."

Moakler, whose daughter Shanna was married to Barker, tells PEOPLE, "Our heart pours out. We're hoping he recovers. The family is rallying around him and saying our prayers."

Both Barker, 32, and DJ AM (real name: Adam Michael Goldstein), 35, were taken to a burn center in Augusta, Georgia, about 75 miles southwest of the Columbia, S.C., crash site. Both are listed in critical condition.

Four others on the plane were killed: pilot Sarah Lemmon, 31, of Anaheim Hills, Calif.; co-pilot James Bland, 52, of Carlsbad, Calif.; security guard Charles Still, 25, of Los Angeles; and Barker's assistant Chris Baker, 26, also of Los Angeles.

Children Not Told

Upon hearing the news of the crash, "Shanna flew out this morning, and I am going to L.A. to be with the children so that she can devote time to Travis," Gail Moakler tells PEOPLE.

Former Playboy Playmate Shanna Moakler, 33, was married to Barker from 2004 until earlier this year. They have two children: son Landon, 4, and daughter Alabama, 2.

"There's still love between them," says Gail Moakler. "They may be divorced, but they're still very close. She spends a lot of time with him. Their priorities are their kids."

The youngsters have yet to be told about the incident. "We're waiting a bit to see what God brings," says their grandmother, who adds, "Shanna spoke to Travis last night. He was defiant after the accident and didn't want to be lifted in a helicopter, but rather an ambulance, so they had to knock him out."

DJ AM is a Survivor

"The whole thing is crazy," said Benjamin Long. "We're thankful that he made it. And we feel horrible about those who didn't. It's just awful."

He added that his bother-in-law is a survivor. "He flies all the time," says Long. "A lot of people know his story. He's pulled through a lot of things in the past."

The Learjet carrying six people that crashed after midnight Friday was just over one year old and chartered from Global Executive Aviation in Long Beach, Calif., according to Columbia Metropolitan Airport spokesperson Lynne Douglas,

"The crash was the result of an overrun on its flight to Van Nuys [Calif.]," says Douglas, who attended a National Transportation Safety Board press conference Saturday afternoon in Columbia. "The NTSB is gathering information and fact finding to learn what happened in this tragedy."

-PEOPLE.COM

JESSICA SIMPSON

Jessica Simpson just notched her first No.-1 country album - but she also wants to give herself props having Tony Romo as the love of her life.

"Tony is a great quarterback, but he's a better boyfriend," Simpson, 28, told PEOPLE at a Nina's Night Out, a benefit for the Rape Crisis Center at the Palms Casino Resort's Pearl Theatre in Las Vegas on Thursday. "I'm seriously proud of myself for letting him into my life."

Romo "was my Monday this week," joked Simpson, in reference to her song about him, "You're My Sunday," and the Dallas Cowboys' huge win over the Philadelphia Eagles on ESPN's Monday Night Football a few days ago.

The NFL star is also someone else's hero: He recently stopped to help a couple change their flat tire in Texas Sept. 7.

"Through all the chaos and torment and everything I go through, I can lay in his arms and finally rest," she added.

Having her cuddled up next to him isn't always such a relief, admitted Simpson.

"To be my man, you have to put up with a lot," said the singer. "I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC's."

-PEOPLE.COM

NEW BRIT BRIT

This morning, 107.5 The River in Nashville, TN played a short piece of Brit Brit's first single "Womanizer" off of her new album due this December. The full single comes out this Monday. Yeah, you're **** is dripping with anticipation. Well, it's probably dripping for different reasons too.

The song pretty much sounds like every other Brit song. Take all her songs, put them in a blender, pour in a little Frapp dust, hit pulse and then sprinkle some Cheeto bits on top. Voila! You've got a big cup of "Womanizer." Or "Woominizin'" as Brit Brit calls it.

Click here to listen to it